I GOT FIRED AND IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE A LOSER. I still haven’t told people

Exactly 18 days ago, I got a call that ended my employment with a company I loved and to say it sucked does not qualify it. I got fired on the 30th of June and before I got the call I was doing something I loved doing. I was sewing my first day of the month outfit, I planned to wear it with my new pair of Zara heels that I had just splurged on because in my mind, I had a well-paying job and my steady salary would make up for it. I didn’t buy just one shoe, I bought 4 new pairs of shoes thinking I could afford it at that point, feeling like a baller. That one phone call ruined the entire plan, you see, months ago I left a job I had for a new opportunity I got. Do I regret it? No. It was a big learning opportunity for me it helped me step up my writing game. 

I spent the first 12 hours after that sleeping and crying. I think my biggest fear was telling people I got fired because it made me feel like a loser but when I finally told one of my friends, she told the squad and they rallied and I had a lot of those movie type of girlfriend conversations where there is a lot of crying and pep talks. I got a lot of ‘you got this’, ‘you’ll get a new job sooner than you know’, ‘you’ll be fine’ and so on. But I didn’t feel like I had it, I felt like I was a loser and a failure. All I wanted was a hug from someone I loved (this is not about me wallowing about being single) and to cry without putting on a brave face for anyone. Getting fired made me feel like I had let my family and friends down and most importantly, I let myself down and I let a major opportunity slip away. IT WAS HARD. It still is. 

As a self-diagnosed work fiend, I love working, I really really enjoy working. I love the purpose and fulfilment having a job gives me. I love having a schedule and leaving the house every morning dressed to nines and smelling like a million bucks. I think that’s what I miss the most about having a full-time job, the routine and the camaraderie. I was supposed to go back to the office for a final appraisal but it hurts too much to return there right now. 

I know right now you are rolling your eyes and probably saying “get over yourself, you’re not the first unemployed Nigerian youth and you will not be the last”. This is a fact. Millions of Nigerians are currently unemployed and are most probably sitting at home like I am right now. 

Then I got myself up, edited my CV and started applying for jobs. Shout out to Jobberman. Two days later I had three interviews lined up in Lagos and it made me feel like a superstar. One of the interviews stood out because it was at a magazine and I was promised a position in the company. I was ecstatic and I called all my friends and parents to tell them the good news. Four days later, I got a message that said ‘due to new developments, they could not bring on new people in the company. Ohhhh back to the waterworks. 

So here I am, seating on my bed, smelling funky, new already cut patterns on my sewing machine, with no job in sight, eating the whipped cream covered chocolate cake my best friend/baker sent me. I am bored out of my mind and re-watching episodes of The Bold Type on the half screen while writing this. 

But I will not let this failure define me. I am sewing myself new outfits, I signed up for a class in Public Relations on Coursera and I work out twice a day even if I am eating a batshit load of junk. I’m back to eating rice every day, I do not drink myself to sleep even if I thought I would be doing that a lot. Maybe I need to live in this failure for a little bit and grow and learn from it so I can soar again. P.S if you know any company hiring writers, NGO workers, digital media managers and any Public Relations people, please link me up. I’m dying of boredom at home.